


in the dark of winter

by lutzaussi



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-11
Updated: 2015-10-11
Packaged: 2018-04-23 18:19:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4886938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lutzaussi/pseuds/lutzaussi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yoruichi had left a long time ago, and Soifon never let herself hope, had locked her heart away where it couldn't affect her. Why, then, did it hurt so much?</p>
            </blockquote>





	in the dark of winter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mylittleuboa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylittleuboa/gifts).



Soifon limped into her quarters, ankles and wrists aching. Ever since the ryoka had saved Kuchiki Rukia and she had been defeated by her former captain, she’d been training to master her shunkō. It was thankless, tiring work, but the results were showing.

She pulled Suzumebachi off her back, carefully setting the zanpakutō on its place on her weapons rack. The room was small and barely lived in. In fact, she had spent more time in it the past few days than she had for most of her tenure as commander of the Onmitsukidō and captain of the 2nd Division. Moving without really thinking, she untied her obi and pulled her haori off, settling them on her clothing rack.

Ōmaeda had stopped by, at some point, because there was the daily correspondence in a pile on her table, as well as a wrapped bento and a basket of fruit. Cracking open the day’s documents, Soifon skimmed the most important ones, leaving the rest for later. There were to be talks about Aizen’s betrayal, the ease at which the ryoka infiltrated the Seireitei, and to review new teaching methods and classes for the Shinuo Academy.

But all of that was in the future. They were still healing, and picking up the pieces from the Seireitei’s decimation.

Soifon set the papers back down and chose two fruit, a persimmon and a plum, from the basket. Her butsudan was not very fancy, and rather sparse, but she settled the fruit on the offering bowl nonetheless, pausing a moment to say a prayer for all of her brothers. Then, without thinking, her hand sought out the one spirit tablet that was the newest.

The edges were already worn down from how many times she had taken it off the shrine to rub her fingers across it. She sat on the tatami, feet tucked under her legs, and set the tablet on the ground. The fingers of her left hand rubbed her right wrist as she considered it.

There was no reason to have an ihai for Shihouin Yoruichi, because she had never been dead. Yoruichi had left a long time ago, and Soifon never let herself hope, had locked her heart away where it couldn't affect her. Why, then, did it hurt so much? She had never been anything special to Yoruichi, just another bodyguard and subordinate. Fifty years after she had disappeared with Urahara, Ōmaeda had left the hand-carved onyx tablet in her butsudan, and Soifon had forced herself to accept that Shihouin Yoruichi was dead.

She could feel the sobs building up in her throat, and looked at the ceiling, at the dim light, trying to stave off the tears. Her fingers found the tablet again, and Soifon wanted it gone. Half-blind from the tears and hiccupping, she stumbled up and to the door that faced the courtyard garden. The door slid open before she touched it, and she flinched back from the person who opened it.

Yoruichi stood in the doorway, an unreadable look on her sharp face. “Soifon?” she asked, her voice soft. “What happened?” Her gold eyes slid from the other woman’s face to her hand, where the tablet was clenched so tightly it cut into her palm.

“N-no,” Soifon bit her lip and the tears spilled over, “d-don’t—” She tried to back away, to get away from the source of her pain and her longing, but Yoruichi stepped forward, caught her arm. The tablet slipped from her blood-slick fingers, into the other woman’s.

“Soi—” the sound died from Yoruichi’s lips, and there was a flash of hurt and sadness in her eyes when she read the ihai. She looked at Soifon, the hurt bleeding into her voice when she said, “You thought I would never return.”

Soifon hiccupped, shook her head. “Ōmaeda, h-he,” she said.

“He made this for you,” Yoruichi connected the dots. She pulled Soifon into her arms, embracing her with an intimacy that the other woman had not received for over 100 years, tucked Soifon's head under her chin. "I always meant to come back," she whispered, "I didn't—there was just so much happening, and after that long I couldn't. Not without a good reason."

That hurt her. "A good—?" Yoruichi shushed her.

"You always were a good reason, but Kisuke wouldn't let me. The Gotei would have convicted us for treason," she ran a hand through Soifon's hair, and rubbed her back. "I didn't want to come back, only to die."

Soifon slid her arms around her former superior. Yoruichi cupped her cheek with one hand. "You were always in my thoughts. You were my reason for coming with those kids."

"I—," Soifon's voice broke, "I never got to tell you what you mean to me."

Yoruichi looked at her with something like surprise on her face. "You—?"

"You were the only one," she said, knowing that if she stopped she wouldn't continue. "I loved you from the first moment I saw you, and I knew you would never be mine." Her face burned and her heart ached, and she knew that the other would confirm her fears.

A soft, warm smile spread over Yoruichi's face, and she pressed a soft kiss to the corner of Soifon's mouth, which dropped open. Her golden eyes twinkled as she said, "Well, I hate to upset your expectations."

"You—!" Soifon was cut off again by Yoruichi pressing their lips together. She was smiling, and Soifon smiled into the kiss as well. Of all the impossible things to happen in the past couple of weeks, this was her favorite.

\---

"But, you know," Yoruichi said later, when they were in bed and Soifon was half-asleep, "you really do need to get rid of that ihai. I mean, you can't make out with a ghost."

Soifon just smiled, and drifted off.

**Author's Note:**

> a little something for my bestest sister. bet you thought i would never actually write this  
> but yeah i like bleach. soifon is an interesting character tho i find it disturbing how obsessive kubo made her (the black cat thing tho omg that is cute)  
> also i did not edit it at all so  
> (request stuff on tumblr @the-gloamglozer)


End file.
